Stains

I began to realize

Time and time again,

That who I was back then

Is a broken fragment of misunderstood growth

Stained on my brain.

I vividly remember the pain

I stretched when my family

would shun my name and

Alcohol would be the only source to soothe

My ever lasting pain.

The isolation I felt when I wasn’t pretty enough to play the game, and

Instead the pretty ones would run me away.

I remember the strains I oppressed

when I was killing myself and refused to speak on the bloodstains that I enjoyed watching since they distracted me from the abnormalities.

When the rain poured on me,

and I let the tears shed because the rain

was there to listen and wash away the cuts on my veins

that drove me insane.

As the blood dripped on and on again,

I still had the conscience to watch

them drip to where I couldn’t control the

depression and kept repeating Amen.

That is when I realized I was the weaker chain,

that, I myself,

melted with acid in vain.

I stopped and realized

I was stronger than the month of may.

I found the strength to clean the bloodshed,

Withdraw from the migraine,

And build a life worth living without shame.

I promised myself to never get back so low with intent so I chose happiness instead.

See it’s hard to understand,

To forget pain,

Move far away from depression when detrimental thoughts consistently linger in one’s head.

I promise you I grew from that day of May,

because if I didn’t,

I wouldn’t be here today expressing my thoughts on that stain on my brain.

03.24.23